Words Unspoken.

So I’ve finally decided on my next two tattoos. Now I just need to find time (and money) to go get them done. I can’t wait -I’ve been itching for them for a while now.

the ‘Tiffany Needs a New Camera’ fund. 

I am now accepting donations :)

I don’t give a flying fart about your excuses.

There’s part of me that wants to run away. Not because I can’t handle the pressure or the stress but because I feel as if there is more to everything than it is right now. Bills, rent, work, school, complaints, money, self-consciousness, insecurities; who needs these? Why do we live in a world where everything in life is superficial? Where everything is based on what you wear or what you look like; even something as how much money you earn or what your social and ethnic background is. 

I want to escape from this world of materialism and constant imageries of the ‘perfect life’, the ‘American dream’ of being rich and drowning with things that I do not need. Because there are things that are more important. Like enjoying your life and being happy with yourself. You can’t bring money with you when you die; at least when I go I know I’ll be happy with the life I lived.  

shellsbellswu:

“Everyone has three lives: a public life, a private life, and a secret life.”

—

Gabriel García Márquez (via kari-shma)

Very true. Reminds me of a talk I had over the summer about how well people really know each other. 

So every Saturday for about a month or so I’ve been working up to something that I’ve never done before; Nov 12th was the day that I stepped out of my comfort zone. I have to admit that I’m actually proud of myself. Majority of my life has been built on the familiar and the comfortable; so recently I’ve decided that I want to get out there and do new things and open myself up to new experiences. 

So Friday the 12th, I participated in a fashion show for a fellow Northeastern student’s event, and by participating I don’t mean volunteering and organizing. I walked in the show. Big big step for me since I’m not the type to do something that bold and daring as one would say. Honestly, it was an experience I think that has allowed me to ‘open my eyes’ and ‘broaden my horizons’ and as clique as that may sound, it’s true. I’m not the type that boast but about my self confidence or my accomplishments but this has got to be one of the things that I can say that not many of my friends have experienced.

So cheers; to new experiences and breaking boundaries.

Honestly, 

I don’t think I can ‘just get over it’.

So I realized that I not only I do not utilize tumblr but that I also have a lot bottled up. Thinking about everything, it’s hard to find a spot to begin. I guess I could start with how I’m feeling right now, this very instant. As I sit on my halfpumped air mattress, fan directed at my face, I feel empty. It’s quite hard to describe but I guess the bottom line is, I’ve allowed myself to be unsure of who I am and that doesn’t settle well with me. With this lack of knowing, comes the lack of motivation and sense of hopelessness and loss. Never have I ever been so unsure of myself. Comparing the state of being that I am in now to how I was back then, I would say that my situation right now, would be highly unlikely and close to impossible. But here I am. 

I was known for my independence, my rationality, my composure, my sense of regality, and my sense of confidence. Despite how I much I want to deny this, as so right now, I have none of these; they were all taken away. You might say that it is impossible to have something like that taken away; maybe it wasn’t, maybe it’s just lost. Whatever the case may be, I currently do not feel the independence I once had, the composure, the confidence; I don’t feel any of it.

I guess my question right now is, whether or not I find and rebuilt myself to who I was before or to become a new me; keeping in mind that I do not know how I will turn out, whether or not I may be too pleasant or not pleasant enough for the souls of the world. 

Decisions, decisions.