So I realized that I not only I do not utilize tumblr but that I also have a lot bottled up. Thinking about everything, it’s hard to find a spot to begin. I guess I could start with how I’m feeling right now, this very instant. As I sit on my halfpumped air mattress, fan directed at my face, I feel empty. It’s quite hard to describe but I guess the bottom line is, I’ve allowed myself to be unsure of who I am and that doesn’t settle well with me. With this lack of knowing, comes the lack of motivation and sense of hopelessness and loss. Never have I ever been so unsure of myself. Comparing the state of being that I am in now to how I was back then, I would say that my situation right now, would be highly unlikely and close to impossible. But here I am.
I was known for my independence, my rationality, my composure, my sense of regality, and my sense of confidence. Despite how I much I want to deny this, as so right now, I have none of these; they were all taken away. You might say that it is impossible to have something like that taken away; maybe it wasn’t, maybe it’s just lost. Whatever the case may be, I currently do not feel the independence I once had, the composure, the confidence; I don’t feel any of it.
I guess my question right now is, whether or not I find and rebuilt myself to who I was before or to become a new me; keeping in mind that I do not know how I will turn out, whether or not I may be too pleasant or not pleasant enough for the souls of the world.